A Mom Born in the Wrong Era

Seriously. 

Growing up, one of my favorite shows was I Love Lucy. I absolutely loved Lucy and Ricky: her antics, his impatience, their NYC apartment, her clothes (oh my gosh how I loved her clothes), and the loving relationship that existed within their adorably imperfect little world (I was devastated after reading her biography and learning that the marriage between Lucy and Desi was actually horrible). Watching reruns of I Love Lucy led me to believe that I belonged in the 1950s. 

It was about ten years ago that I decided I would be the best housewife/stay-at-home mom ever: 1950s style. I once made a promise to my husband that if he ever allowed me to stay at home I would cook, clean, and even greet him at the door with his slippers and a drink (thankfully, he has long since forgotten about the slipper/drink deal). How well have I held up my end of the bargain? I'm far from perfect. I suck at cleaning (really, I'm just not good at it. I never have been.) But I cook and I'm cheerful for hubs when he gets home from work. 

I found this little gem (among others) that I just had to share. 

An article from a 1955 edition of Housekeeping Monthly

• 
  

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. 
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. 
• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. 
• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash their hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. 
• Be happy to see him. 
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. 
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.  Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. 
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems. 
• Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always excercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

I left out a few, but yes. These were the "rules" for being a "good" wife back in the 1950s. I know, I know. Most of you are probably squawking thinking that these are crazy. Feminists are surely chomping at the bit to tear apart whoever wrote this article and probably me for posting it. But in truth, I don't think it's all crazy (some of it, maybe, but certainly not all). 

My husband not only uprooted his life so that I could be home with J, but he works hard so that I can stay home. He's still learning a new (and very demanding) position which sometimes has him working 12 hour days AND weekends. I am so grateful for the sacrifices he has made and will continue to make so that we can make the best life possible for J which starts with having her mother home to raise her. Therefore, I am happy to have dinner ready when he gets home and have J cleaned up and ready for bed (if not already in bed). Also, I don't find that it requires effort to show hubs that I'm happy to see him when he gets home - I really am. 

I read a lot of blogs and have read a lot of forums written by, for or about moms. I've come across a lot of "open letters" in which the writer relates to the unkempt mom struggling to survive each day. The recurring theme appears to be that it's the norm among moms (especially new moms) to live in spit-up covered sweats, keep her hair in a messy ponytail and banish all thoughts of makeup. Not only is it the norm, but it's expected and it's okay. It's relatable. 

Maybe I'm crazy, but I just can't relate. Why can't you take a shower while the baby is napping? J doesn't always nap, but I have no problem with strapping her in her bouncy and putting on Baby Einstein while I take a quick shower and shave my legs. Sometimes she cries, but I know that letting her cry it out doesn't make me a bad mom. I'm showering - not blowing lines. She's fine. The same goes for hair and makeup. 

I have really long hair which will frizz out to Timbuktu if I don't blow it out or put it in a messy top knot. It takes close to half an hour to blow-dry so when it's not blown out, it's because of sheer laziness and not inability due to a crying baby. Again, those Baby Einstein videos are great because they have a repeat play option. 

As for make up, that takes me all of ten minutes to do and makes me look more human than cave dweller. When I don't put it on, it's usually because I know that I won't be able to be bothered with taking it off later (sometimes I just sleep in it). And when J spits up or flings baby food onto my shirt I change it. Especially before I go out, and it's just not that difficult.  

If women from years ago (like my grandma, who had five children and never left the house without "putting on her face") were able to keep themselves put together, have dinner on the table and raise kids all at the same time, why do so many people struggle with it today? I honestly don't know. And like I said earlier, I am so far from being a perfect housewife; my house is lived in - not immaculate because cleaning is just not something at which I excel. I'm not as crafty as I would like to be and I cannot fold a fitted sheet. But I try hard, and my husband really doesn't seem to have too many complaints. Ultimately, I think Lucy and I would have been great friends.