Those were just a few words I heard from a number of mothers who had both successfully and unsuccessfully breastfed their babies. To be completely honest, I really side-eyed the mothers who claimed to have given up on breastfeeding because they "just didn't produce enough milk". My thoughts were this: women have been breastfeeding babies since the beginning of time. What did women do before formula? I really thought that not producing enough milk was nothing more than an easy out - an excuse.
One friend of mine admitted to having given up on breastfeeding after six weeks because it was just too painful. Another told me that she wasn't going to bother trying because it was just too demanding. She didn't want to be a slave to her baby or a breast pump. At the very least, I appreciated their honesty.
As far as I was concerned, breast is definitely best. There are so many health benefits to breastfeeding including colostrum which, according to my lactation consultant and the nurses in the hospital, has at least one million antibodies in a single drop. Not to mention the fact that breast milk is tailored for your baby and will prevent a multitude of illnesses, ailments, and other issues down the road. I was going to breastfeed come hell or high water. And I certainly wasn't going to whine about it and give up.
I enrolled myself in a breastfeeding class offered at our hospital and dragged hubs along so he too could be aware of all the health benefits associated with breastfeeding. I also wanted to get him used to the idea that my pretty perfect C-cup breasts were not going to be for his enjoyment anymore...at least not for a while. But I didn't want him to see it as a weird or gross thing. Did I learn much from the class? Not really. The lactation consultant who was running it was really awkward socially and tough to follow.
I also contacted my insurance company to find out what kind of coverage I had for a lactation consultant, electric breast pump (most insurance plans now cover them at 100% provided you have a prescription from your doctor and order from a plan approved medical supplier), ordered my breast pump, purchased nursing pads, nursing tanks, bras, lanolin and a variety of breast milk storage supplies. I was ready.
And then Mouse was born.
Positioning was awkward at first and I asked the lactation consultant to help me with positioning a few times on the first day alone. It was awkward, but I was managing. My final thoughts on Day 1 were: Okay. Once we find a comfy position it will be all uphill from here.
The next day, we were still getting used to positioning and hubs had to help me quite a bit. I also noticed the soreness. It wasn't terrible...yet.
By the third day, I was dreading feeding time. Every time she latched on, it was blinding, searing, toe curling pain. My nipples were scabbed over and I found myself covering them in lanolin and leaving my nursing tank open so that the air could get to them. I called the lactation consultant and my nurse to ask what I was doing wrong. Their response? Nothing. I wasn't doing anything wrong. The toe curling pain was totally normal and would subside in 2-3 weeks. As far as they were concerned, Mouse was latched on properly and having enough wet diapers to let them know that she was in fact getting enough to eat. All I had to do was survive the next few weeks and it would get better. My final thoughts on Day 3 were: Now I get it. I get why people give up on breastfeeding. Should I just pump and bottle feed? What if that also leads to searing pain? Should I go with Similac or Enfamil? Enfamil sent more free samples.
Discharge day: At least the lanolin and air drying was getting rid of the unsightly scabs that had taken over my nipples. I was miserable. I was in pain. The whole bonding while breastfeeding thing was not happening and I was sure that I wasn't going to last even a week. As a last ditch effort, I picked up a book my friend had given me at my baby shower. She swore by it and had an overall good (at least I think she had a good) breastfeeding experience (although she had also warned me that the first two weeks were unbelievably difficult). Well, this book changed everything for me.
Breastfeeding Made Simple gave me new insight, new positions, and a newfound confidence that literally solved my problems overnight. Their tips on getting the baby to latch on along with a laid-back breastfeeding position allowed me to feed Mouse pain free on our fourth day and every day thereafter.
Mouse is now 15 days old and exclusively breastfed. I find breastfeeding to be the most natural thing and am really enjoying the experience. Am I going to breastfeed until she's five? Absolutely not. But I now know for sure that I can at least make it to six months. My ultimate goal is to make it a full year. Although she'll have teeth by then so we'll have to see how that goes. If anything, I'll pump for her.
Another perk of breastfeeding is that I know Mouse eats what I eat. Therefore, I find myself eating much healthier which is great for losing the baby weight - which, two weeks after giving birth, is a grand total of 18 pounds. Hopefully it comes off without too much of a hassle!
