Where is my Mary Poppins?

During my anxiety-ridden week (if you haven't read my last post, this is the week my husband brought up daycare and I had a total meltdown), I had posted an angry Facebook status about how much I hate living in an area where I will be forced to allow strangers to raise my kids because it's too expensive to do otherwise.

After I had calmed down, my mother-in-law told me that she had been hurt by my post because it seemed like I felt that she wasn't good enough to watch our daughter.  Actually, I had never thought to ask her because I simply didn't think it was something she would agree to.  She also has a history of being unreliable.  Well, since she was in fact interested, I was thrilled.  If she was willing to commit, I'd much prefer to have our daughter taken care of by her grandmother as opposed to strangers.  And then it started.

It started with her saying that she couldn't commit to five days a week (totally understandable) but instead would commit to two or three days.  No problem.  I will absolutely find someone to watch the baby the remaining two or three days.  Then, earlier this week, my husband casually told someone that his mother was willing to watch the baby one, maybe two days a week.  Alright then.  Good thing she told this to my husband who rarely remembers to relay the messages to me.  I can't say I'm surprised - this is the kind of thing I expected and the primary reason why I didn't consider her in the first place.  So now the hunt is on for a full-time nanny as opposed to a part-time nanny.  I figured it might not be so bad.  I mean, I "nannied" throughout college and I was great!  I actually played with the kids, took them to the park, and really enjoyed them.  Surely I can't be the only one.  But how do I go about finding someone like myself?

My husband came home with the idea of using Care.com after hearing about it from his co-workers.  I had seen the commercials but never really thought much of it.  But hey, I'm open so let's give it a try.  I placed the following ad:

We are looking for a caring, mature, intelligent, and responsible nanny to care for our infant daughter 2-3 days per week for a maximum of eight (8) hours beginning in the Fall of 2014 in our home only. Days are listed as Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but are flexible.

Experience, references and appropriate immunizations are a must.

We're looking for:

• Non-smoker
• Comfortable with pets
• Has a car

All I can say is Wow to the responses we have gotten.  There was only one good one - ONE!  And I think she must have misread the timeframe because she never responded back about setting up an interview.  Now, keep in mind that I am a high school English teacher.  I deal with kids not reading or following instructions and correcting grammar, spelling, and other mechanics on a daily basis.  I should not have to worry about these issues with an adult who is going to be caring for my child.  However, I found that if I printed out these "applications", the life span of my red pen would be very short lived.

To respond to a few of these applicants so you can have an idea of what I'm dealing with:

1) No, I will not drop my daughter off at your house.  Please note that the ad says "in our home only".

2) No, you cannot bring your child(ren) to my house while you are being paid to watch my child.

3) What is an assco degree?

4) "I" should always be capitalized.

5) Punctuation is your friend.

6) No, I will not draw up a "nanny contract".

7)  No matter what you say I'm paying for, $20 an hour is not going to happen.

8)  Just leaving your name and number is not going to get me to call you.

9)  If you don't have a picture up, I'm curious as to why.  And if I have to be curious, I will be worried and therefore, you will not be considered.  I need to see that you're somewhat normal looking.

10) If you're 20 and have been working full-time in the local mall for the last two years and are looking to make some extra money to help out your live-in boyfriend and his kid, then no.  I don't think that this is a perfect fit for you.

That's all I've got for now.  But seriously........where is my Mary Poppins?   Maybe I'll revise my ad to say just that: Professional Couple seeks modern day Mary Poppins for infant daughter.  Hell - if these people can respond to ads and sound like complete morons, why can't I post an ad and sound like I mean business?  Hmmm.......

Daycare Fun

In my stockpiling post I brought up the dreaded childcare issue.  The first time my husband brought up the issue of daycare, my hormonal, pregnant self just started bawling uncontrollably.  I mean, seriously, anyone who walked in would have thought that my best friend just died.  The crying was on and off for about a week, and when I wasn't crying I was cursing the armpit of a state in which I live for being completely unaffordable for young families while telling my husband that we must absolutely get this house on the market and move down south so that I could stay home and raise our children.    

Anyway, after that week I finally put on my big girl panties and started thinking about how we were going to handle the childcare thing.  As far as expenses go, we can put $5,000 (tax free) into our FSA account specifically for dependent care (I think that's how it's worded).  Okay so that's a start.  Now to find a place.

In my area we have a bunch of corporate kiddie prisons.  They are the Tudor Time, Kinder Care, ABC whosey-whatsies and I have absolutely zero desire to even entertain the thought of putting our daughter into one of them.  When I was in college, I applied for a job at Tudor Time.  As I walked in the door to go to my interview, I knew right away that I didn't want to work there.  It was too sterile and seriously looked like a prison - bullet-proof glass and all.  Not to mention the fact that we have a 27-year-old girl who lives with her mom on our block, and she is just not.all.there if you know what I mean.  Well, she works in one of those places and she is one of the last people I would want taking care of my daughter. With the big corporate places off of the list, it was time to move on to some of the local private daycare centers.

The local daycare centers are either in someone's home (which really grosses me out if I don't know you so those are out), at a church (none close enough to me), or smaller, stand alone establishments (okay let's look into these).  This past summer I worked at a local camp which is a private school the rest of the year.  They have a daycare on site which I had seen all summer, but had never been inside.  I liked the way that the camp was run so I figured that this was a good place to start.

I emailed my summer boss and told her that I'm pregnant and would like to tour the daycare facility.  She was pretty sure that there were one or two spots left open for September and gave me the name and number of the daycare coordinator.  I called, left a message, and waited to hear back.......and waited........and waited.

Finally, my old boss sent me a follow-up email a couple of weeks later to see how it all went.  I told her that I never heard back from her daycare person.  My phone was ringing within an hour (she must have been mad because the daycare lady left a message riddled with excuses and apologies - whatever).  When I finally got her on the phone, the first thing I noticed was that it was really loud in the background...oh no.  But, the loudness was kids laughing and having a good time - that certainly couldn't be the infant room.  I set up a tour for me and my husband.

The next day, I got a call back explaining that oops.  They're actually full for September, but she put us first on the waiting list.  Do we still want the tour?  Sure.

Tour day rolls around.  The daycare isn't as big as I thought it would be.  You have to hold your ID up to the [glass] door before they let you in.  Then you walk in, sign in, and meet whomever it is you are to meet.  The room into which you walk is the toddler room, and it.was.LOUD!  Again, they're running around, laughing, and having a great time so really, I can't fault them for that.  Kids are loud I guess.

What turned me off was the the infant room was separated from the toddler room by what I can only describe as a barn door - top and bottom open separately.  And the infant room was small - 8 cribs, a table with two seats, changing table, and I only saw one swing, one bouncy seat, and one activity mat.  My first impression was that my daughter will spend most of her day in a crib.  I mean, don't get me wrong.  I like the fact that it's clean and that there's structure, but it may even be too structured.  Diaper changes are every two hours - really?  Well what if she poops an hour after diaper change time?  Will she have to sit in her dirty diaper for at least an hour?

In the end, we are still number 1 on the wait list because hey, why not?  It's an option.  But as we walked out, my husband immediately said "no" and told me that he now understood why I had such anxiety when it came to daycare.  And so began our nanny search (I'll put this in another post because this is already a shit show in and of itself).    
  

Stockpiling

As my due date gets closer, I am finding the idea of going back to work in September is getting more and more painful.  Our daughter will be four months old - daycare is just not something I want to think about.  However, while we live in our current [overpriced] state, quitting my job is simply not an option.

I am, however, looking into FMLA laws and have an inquiry into my employer to see if I will have any options to continue or take unpaid leave for at least the month of September.  At this point, even one extra month sounds good to me.  That being said, should I be able to extend my leave into the fall, it will be unpaid.  If I can't extend my leave, we will be paying out the arse for child care.  No matter which way we go, money will definitely be tight for a while.

I have decided to create a stockpile and want to share some of my greatest bargains as I go along.  After noticing the growing pile of diaper boxes and bags in the garage, my husband got a bit miffed.  "Are you telling me there won't be any sales in a few months and you really have to spend money on all of this stuff now!?"  Well, yes dear.  Because, like I said, money is definitely not going to be as freely flowing as it has been.  While my income is on hold (or being spent on child care), I would like to do everything in my power to prevent us from having to either pull from savings or rack up credit card debt.

So far, I have accumulated the following items:
1.  One box of Pampers Swaddlers - newborn size 88 count
2.  One package of Huggies Little Snugglers - newborn size 36 count
3.  One box of Pampers Sensitive - size 1 84 count
4.  One package of Huggies Snug & Dry - size 1 50 count
5.  One box of Pampers Swaddlers - size 2 92 count
6.  One package of Pampers Swaddlers - size 2 36 count
7.  One box of Huggies Little Movers - size 3 72 count
8-10 Package of Pampers Baby Dry - size 3 32 count
11-12 Johnson's disposable nursing pads - 60 count
13-14 Johnson's Baby Bathtime wash and lotion
15-16 Desitin Maximum Strength

My stockpile so far

One of the biggest arguments against creating a stockpile like this is the fact that the baby may have a reaction to a specific brand of diapers.  Honestly (and maybe I will be eating my words in a few short months) this argument comes from a special group of women who, in my opinion, like to nitpick anything and everything out of sheer boredom.  I'm sure my daughter will be just fine.  So let's get to how I've accumulated all of the above for, so far, about $100 total (yup, I've been saving all of the receipts because I like to keep track of what I've spent on this stuff so far).

*****Please note, I am not into "extreme couponing".  I've watched the show a handful of times and really can't figure out how they do what they do.  I don't even try.  I've just found my own system that works.  My system includes finding the best coupons (in duplicate and triplicate when possible) and working the hell out of CVS*****

Already planning the next shopping excursion

As I hinted above, I absolutely LOVE CVS.  The whole "Extra Bucks" program that they run is absolutely amazing if you know how to work it (which, over the past couple of years, I have not only learned, but perfected).  They will run promotions where if you spend a certain dollar amount on a specific brand (usually it will be a large selection of P&G products or, most recently, Johnson & Johnson, Dove soap, etc).  It's never just "oh here spend $30 on JUST paper towels to get $5".  Otherwise, I'd never go for it.  Luckily, it's always stuff that I use.  Another plus is that you can use manufacturer's coupons on top of CVS Extra Bucks.  So here is my most recent excursion in a nutshell:

1) Walk into the store and immediately grab a cart and scan my CVS card to get the day's special coupons (most of the time I don't use these, but occasionally they are good).  

2) I always study the flier before I go so I know exactly where I'm headed.  First was to grab Dove soap - which I was out of anyway - which was 2 6-packs for $15.00.  And, if you spent $15 then you were given $5 in Extra Bucks to use on your next purchase.  I had two coupons - each was for .75 off a Dove 6-pack and not subject to doubling anyway.  

3) Head over to the baby aisle.  Most J&J products were buy one get one half off, plus I had a crap ton of coupons for a number of their products as well as diapers and wipes.  Then on top of that, if you spent $30 on select products then you would receive $10 in Extra Bucks.   Here's what I grabbed and what I paid for each:

a.  J&J Bedtime baby bath wash $6.79

b.  J&J Bedtime baby lotion        $3.39 (half off)

c.  Desitin                                    $5.49

d.  Desitin                                    $2.74 (half off)

e.  J&J Nursing pads 60 ct           $9.29

f.  J&J Nursing pads 60 ct           $4.64 (half off)

This totaled to $32.34

I had $7.00 in Extra Bucks and $6.25 in Manufacturer's and other CVS coupons which brought my total to about $19.09 AND I got another $15 in Extra Bucks (I didn't factor the soap into the $19 total since I'm just focusing on the baby stuff).  

So for my next shopping trip, I have some Huggies coupons and $15 in Extra Bucks.  Huggies and Pampers will usually go on sale for anywhere from $8.99-10.99 a pack at CVS.  Pampers will throw some $1.50 off coupons out there which I print and save for sales, and Huggies will toss out some $3.00 off a package coupons which I also clip.  The key there is to wait for the sales which, as I have explained to my husband, is easier to do now than it will be later on.  So needless to say, when a Pampers or Huggies sale rolls around, I will easily grab two packs of diapers without paying anything out of pocket.  

Target also runs some great deals at times.  I got two of the big boxes of Pampers for $24.99 each, used coupons, AND got a $10 Target gift card with my purchase which I put towards another big box the following day while they were still on sale (and again, used a coupon).  I always keep an eye on the Target flier, but their sales/deals definitely aren't as frequent as those found at CVS.

And maybe, if you're into the whole "extreme" couponing thing, then my deals really aren't that great.  But to me, they're pretty awesome and I like to think that I'm working that CVS system pretty well :)  

   

It really is amazing

My daily life for what seemed like forever - drugs, drugs, and more drugs!

It all started with a meltdown.  EVERYONE seemed to be getting pregnant except for me.  I'm going to skip the whole long story, but in the end, we resorted to IVF.

Bottom line, IVF wasn't bad, but sucked at the same time.  The "not so bad" part: knowing that we were starting the process allowed us to see a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.  Also, the process itself wasn't so bad - injecting myself in the stomach really wasn't as bad as one might imagine, and the egg retrieval and transfer was a breeze.

IVF Meds

The sucky parts: IVF was in no way, shape or form covered by our insurance.  We refinanced our house and took out a home equity loan.  We were also lucky enough to get some donated meds from our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) the first time around.  $9,000 later we were on our way to having a baby.  And then, as could only happen to a couple who has had consistently bad luck for years, our excitement was cut short.

I was literally getting into my car to go to our transfer appointment when the doctor called.  All of our embryos were gone.  There was some kind of contamination - the doctor had no explanation.  We had to start all over again (thankfully, we were not charged for the second cycle).  This time, we got our medications at cost thanks to a family friend who is in charge of a hospital pharmacy.  However, we still had to shell out another $3,000 for them (which is better than the $7,000 our insurance company was demanding).

We jumped right into the second cycle and it went just as smoothly as the first.  Our RE took extra precautions, and we actually ended up with even more embryos!  On August 22, 2013 we went in for the transfer.

Our RE recommended only transferring one embryo.  He said that the chances of both embryos splitting was good and we could end up with triplets or even quadruplets.  Yikes!  However, we took a chance and decided to transfer two.  It was the best decision we could have made.  On August 28, 2013 at 5:15am, I took my first pregnancy test after the transfer.  I knew it was technically "too early" but I couldn't help myself.  I went back into the bathroom, braced for a stark white window, and there was a faint, second, beautiful pink line!

I had so many cutsie ideas in my head on how I'd break the news to my husband.  My plan was to put together a "Daddy to be" basket and have it waiting for him when he got home from work.  Boy did that plan fail.  I was so excited when I got that positive test that I ran upstairs and jumped on him screaming "It worked!  We're pregnant!"  He was scared at first, thinking something terrible had happened, and then mad that I'd woken him up at 5:30 in the morning until he realized what I was showing him.  Oh well - maybe the next one will get something cute.

On August 31 I went in for a blood test to confirm pregnancy and my beta levels were a nice 198.  Two days later, the levels had risen to 518.  Everything was going perfectly.  Not to mention that I was feeling great - suspiciously great.  I had zero symptoms: no morning sickness, sore boobs, fatigue, or any other typical pregnancy symptom that you hear about.  Something had to be wrong.

My husband was adorable.  I bought him Dude!  You're Gonna Be a Dad!  by John Pfeiffer.  I perused a few daddy-to-be books and this one just seemed really "guy friendly".  It gives new dads-to-be all of the pertinent information without requiring the help of a dictionary.  Well, he started reading right away and before I knew it, the book was lying on our coffee table with a hundred post-it flags throughout.  He went to the store and stocked up on saltines and ginger ale in preparation for my morning sickness (which still hadn't come) and came home one night with a  Snoogle.

By this time, we had also starting arguing about how many babies were in there.  He thought it was most definitely twins.  I, on the other hand, knew there was just one.  And on September 13, 2013 we went to the RE's office to find out.  Sure enough, there was only one gestational sac and one yolk sac implanted exactly where it should have been.  So far, it was perfect.  

9/13/13 - 5 weeks 6 days

Another plus of seeing an RE is that once you do get pregnant, they have you come in once a week for an ultrasound to ensure that everything is going well until they release you to your regular OB (most OBs won't see a pregnant woman until they are at least 8-12 weeks along when the chance of a miscarriage drops significantly).  Obviously, we weren't able to see the baby at the first ultrasound as it was too small.  Our amazing nurse practitioner told us that we would be able to see the baby at the next visit and might, just might, detect a heartbeat (although she said we shouldn't expect that for another two weeks).  We scheduled our next appointment for September 20 - in exactly one week.  

That week waiting period was the worst.  My husband had also brought home What to Expect When You're Expecting  .  I was also frequenting TheBump.com.  And let me tell you, almost every page or post I read made me think that this baby was dead and gone.  It was time to stop.  

We walked into our 7:00am appointment on September 20 holding our breath.  I had been mentally preparing myself for a blank screen: no baby, no heartbeat.  It was all going to well and in my experience, the universe just couldn't allow that to happen.  To our amazement, it was still perfect.  We saw our little jelly belly AND saw and heard the heartbeat which was going at 118 beats per minute - perfect!  We definitely were not expecting that and to this day, I will never forget the look of amazement on my husband's face.  It's funny - the things you remember.

We went back to the RE's office one more time before they released us to our OB.  This time, there was no mistaking that something was growing in there with a heart rate of 157bpm.  At this point, I still had zero pregnancy symptoms other than the fact that I actually had a baby in there.  

9/26/13 - 7 weeks 5 days

The OB I chose (mine had moved to Florida) was one that came highly recommended by our nurse practitioner, my GP and my aunt (along with her friend).  Seriously - people couldn't stop singing his praises.  I was warned about the loooong wait time I would experience in his office but assured that he would take just as much time with me as he does with every other patient.  Needless to say, the office requires that you see all of their OBs (five in total) at least once, and I absolutely didn't mind that.  I wasn't terribly impressed with him.  Then again, everything was going so well that I really didn't require much from him.  We were, however, excited to see that baby had gotten bigger!

10/7/13 - 9 weeks 2 days

The blow came at the end of that appointment.  We had been spoiled by the RE in the sense that we got to see how the baby was developing on a weekly basis.  Now, we wouldn't see it again until 12 weeks!  OMG!  What was I going to do for the next three weeks?  I had no symptoms of which to speak and it was too early for movement so how would I know that the baby hadn't disappeared!?!  (Yes, I thought it might just disappear).  The OB's office also talked about doing a Nuchal Translucency Test: a little  something extra to keep me good and worried during that wait time.  All in all, the next three weeks were torturous.  

**The NT scan is typically done around the 12 week mark.  It involves a finger prick, a few drops of blood, and an ultrasound which measures the space/fluid on the back of baby's neck.  They also look for the presence of a nasal bone.  Overall, the test is to determine the chances of baby having Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 13 (all three of which are chromosomal defects).  

As it turned out, baby passed the NT scan with flying colors (a huge relief) and actually looked like a little person!

11/1/13 - 12 weeks 6 days

We asked the sono tech if she had any guesses as to the sex of our baby.  She looked around for a bit.  At this point, I KNEW it was a girl - my husband was positive we were having a boy.  Well, after a minute of searching, she showed us a little nub on the screen.  While it was still early, and technically that nub could be a swollen clitoris, she was pretty confident that we were expecting a boy.  I was shocked.  

My first thought was that I was so grateful to be having a smooth pregnancy and especially a so-far healthy and perfect baby.  But the thought of having a boy scared me.  I never really thought of having a boy.  What would I do with one?  I envisioned my husband coming home and asking our son if he wanted to go to the driving range.  Here's how the conversation would play out:

Husband: Hey buddy, let's go hit some golf balls.

Son: Ugh, dad!  I just got back from my mani/pedi appointment with mom.  

And then fire would shoot out of my husband's eyes and I'd be dead.  

Not that I'd want my son to be feminine, but I don't know if I could help it from happening.  What do boys like?  Cars?  Sports?  Wrestling?  I honestly have no idea.  But I have zero interest in any of them and an especial hatred for sports and the whole sports culture that seems to reign in today's society.  But that's another story.  

Anyway, as I finish this post (about a month or so after I initially started it), we know that the tech guessed too early and that nub was, in fact, something other than a penis.  We are having a healthy baby girl who I can't wait to take with me to the barn and see her up on horseback.  I look forward to buying her her first designer handbag and spa days.  But most of all, I can't wait to watch her develop, change and grow just like we did in those first few weeks via ultrasounds.  Because really, it is such an amazing process.