I Say Breastfeeding You Say...

Those were just a few words I heard from a number of mothers who had both successfully and unsuccessfully breastfed their babies. To be completely honest, I really side-eyed the mothers who claimed to have given up on breastfeeding because they "just didn't produce enough milk". My thoughts were this: women have been breastfeeding babies since the beginning of time. What did women do before formula? I really thought that not producing enough milk was nothing more than an easy out - an excuse. 

One friend of mine admitted to having given up on breastfeeding after six weeks because it was just too painful. Another told me that she wasn't going to bother trying because it was just too demanding. She didn't want to be a slave to her baby or a breast pump. At the very least, I appreciated their honesty. 

As far as I was concerned, breast is definitely best. There are so many health benefits to breastfeeding including colostrum which, according to my lactation consultant and the nurses in the hospital, has at least one million antibodies in a single drop. Not to mention the fact that breast milk is tailored for your baby and will prevent a multitude of illnesses, ailments, and other issues down the road. I was going to breastfeed come hell or high water. And I certainly wasn't going to whine about it and give up. 

I enrolled myself in a breastfeeding class offered at our hospital and dragged hubs along so he too could be aware of all the health benefits associated with breastfeeding. I also wanted to get him used to the idea that my pretty perfect C-cup breasts were not going to be for his enjoyment anymore...at least not for a while. But I didn't want him to see it as a weird or gross thing. Did I learn much from the class? Not really. The lactation consultant who was running it was really awkward socially and tough to follow. 

I also contacted my insurance company to find out what kind of coverage I had for a lactation consultant, electric breast pump (most insurance plans now cover them at 100% provided you have a prescription from your doctor and order from a plan approved medical supplier), ordered my breast pump, purchased nursing pads, nursing tanks, bras, lanolin and a variety of breast milk storage supplies. I was ready. 

And then Mouse was born. 

Positioning was awkward at first and I asked the lactation consultant to help me with positioning a few times on the first day alone. It was awkward, but I was managing. My final thoughts on Day 1 were: Okay. Once we find a comfy position it will be all uphill from here. 

The next day, we were still getting used to positioning and hubs had to help me quite a bit. I also noticed the soreness. It wasn't terrible...yet. 

By the third day, I was dreading feeding time. Every time she latched on, it was blinding, searing, toe curling pain. My nipples were scabbed over and I found myself covering them in lanolin and leaving my nursing tank open so that the air could get to them. I called the lactation consultant and my nurse to ask what I was doing wrong. Their response? Nothing. I wasn't doing anything wrong. The toe curling pain was totally normal and would subside in 2-3 weeks. As far as they were concerned, Mouse was latched on properly and having enough wet diapers to let them know that she was in fact getting enough to eat. All I had to do was survive the next few weeks and it would get better. My final thoughts on Day 3 were: Now I get it. I get why people give up on breastfeeding. Should I just pump and bottle feed? What if that also leads to searing pain? Should I go with Similac or Enfamil? Enfamil sent more free samples. 

Discharge day: At least the lanolin and air drying was getting rid of the unsightly scabs that had taken over my nipples. I was miserable. I was in pain. The whole bonding while breastfeeding thing was not happening and I was sure that I wasn't going to last even a week. As a last ditch effort, I picked up a book my friend had given me at my baby shower. She swore by it and had an overall good (at least I think she had a good) breastfeeding experience (although she had also warned me that the first two weeks were unbelievably difficult). Well, this book changed everything for me. 

Breastfeeding Made Simple gave me new insight, new positions, and a newfound confidence that literally solved my problems overnight. Their tips on getting the baby to latch on along with a laid-back breastfeeding position allowed me to feed Mouse pain free on our fourth day and every day thereafter. 

Mouse is now 15 days old and exclusively breastfed. I find breastfeeding to be the most natural thing and am really enjoying the experience. Am I going to breastfeed until she's five? Absolutely not. But I now know for sure that I can at least make it to six months. My ultimate goal is to make it a full year. Although she'll have teeth by then so we'll have to see how that goes. If anything, I'll pump for her. 

Another perk of breastfeeding is that I know Mouse eats what I eat. Therefore, I find myself eating much healthier which is great for losing the baby weight - which, two weeks after giving birth, is a grand total of 18 pounds. Hopefully it comes off without too much of a hassle!

Hospital bag - Less was actually more

I am and always have been an over packer. Well, for some reason I just couldn't figure out what to put in my hospital bag, so I kept it to a bare minimum...and it worked out perfectly. I used just about everything that I put into the bag for both myself and the baby and didn't miss much. So here is my very practical list:

1. Several pairs of Hanes, cotton, hi-cut briefs one size larger than my normal size.
     **I actually wish that I had gone two or even three sizes up since post-partum swelling is no joke! In
    fact, I only put these on the day I left the hospital. Otherwise, I wore the soft mesh underwear that the
    hospital provided and it was much more comfortable with all of the swelling.**

2. One soft, comfy, nursing pajama set - pants, nursing tank, and robe.
     **The first day in the hospital was spent in an ugly hospital gown which was necessary due to a
     foley catheter, IV, and constant checks for bleeding issues. When I was finally able to change into
     real clothes, I actually didn't like the nursing top on this particular set. Otherwise, it was pretty
     comfy.**

3. Two pairs of comfy pajama pants and three separate nursing tanks.
     **My own Bravado nursing tanks from Babies R Us were the best. By the end of my third day in
     the hospital, my nipples were in so much pain that I started to consider giving up the idea of
     breastfeeding. These tanks were fantastic as I was able to put on some Lanolin, unclasp them, and
     let my bruised and scabbed nipples air out. The fabric and the fit are much better than my Target
     nursing tanks.**

4. Slippers
     **These went on as soon as I was able to get up and out of the bed. I recommend old fashioned slip
     ons - no socks or moccasin type things - because A) swelling and B) Especially after a c-section, the
     last thing you can or want to do is bend down to put on slippers or shoes.**

5. Toiletries
     **I showered and did my hair at 4:00AM on the day I went to the hospital. And I still felt icky by
     the end of the day. Being able to shower, put on deodorant and brush my teeth was amazing.**

6. Bottled water
     **My best friend actually suggested this, and I am so glad I took her advice. The hospital air is dry.
     Also, it was much more convenient to have my own stash of bottled water as opposed to having to
    call the nurse's station every time I wanted a drink (I drink TONS of water so that button would have
    been being pressed nonstop!)**

7. Camera
     **Hubby was responsible for this and he did a fantastic job**

8. Make-up
     **Visiting hours were only an hour long. I wasn't about to put on make-up only to wash it off an
     hour later. I look like shit in pictures, but hey. I did just give birth. I was allowed.**

9. Two newborn size gowns with matching hats
     **The hospital provided kimono tops, knitted hats, and receiving blankets. However, it was nice to
     finally put her in real clothes. And gowns make life super easy when changing diapers.**

10. Going home outfit
     **That adorable white going home outfit I had bought months ago ended up being HUGE on our
     little peanut. So hubby ended up having to go home and bring another newborn onesie. Oh well -
     she looked tiny and precious either way.**

11. My own pillow
     **The hospital pillows are flat and icky - I was really glad to have my own.**

12. Books
      **I thought I would need these to keep myself occupied but honestly, if I wasn't sleeping I was just
     staring at our baby girl, talking to my husband, or watching tv. The books never made it out of the
     bag.**

And that was all that was in my bag. The only things I asked my husband to bring me was more bottled water and another outfit for the baby along with a maternity t-shirt for me to wear home (I had forgotten a going home outfit for myself - oops!)

Our hospital provided everything we needed for the baby, pads, medications, and lanolin for mommy. When I do it again, I won't change a thing unless we happen to be at a different hospital and circumstances dictate that I must (for example, if they don't provide diapers, wipes, etc.).

Car Seat Safety

I was silly about my car seat. I know that now and I'll admit it.

Searching for a stroller drove me absolutely crazy. I literally stressed over it for months - it was crazy. After a couple of months, I chose one reasonable travel system, and then what my mom refers to as "The Cadillac of Strollers" and its matching car seat. Then I took another month or so to make a final decision. It was probably hell for my poor husband. We were in Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us constantly "test driving" each stroller.

Britax B-Agile with B-Safe infant seat
Retails for $399

 I really liked the lightweight Britax system. It was super easy to maneuver through the aisles and really easy to work in terms of snapping the seat into the stroller. What I didn't like about the Britax was the size of the basket. I have always been one to carry a huge purse. For whatever reason, I like knowing that I can take everything (and I mean everything) with me and it will all fit in my bag.

On one of our test driving trips, I happened to have a mid-size pocketbook with me and went to throw it into the basket...it didn't happen. The basket was way too small for me.

UppaBaby Vista
Retails for $729

UppaBaby Mesa Infant seat
Retails for $279

Okay - I'm kind of a brand whore sometimes so it's entirely possible that the basket size on the Britax was just an excuse for me to opt for the Vista/Mesa combo. So now my kid will totes be stylish in her oversized, overpriced, heavy-as-fvck stroller and car seat.
**On a side note, we did receive the stroller as a gift when it was 20% on Black Friday** from pishposhbaby.com (I actually love that website so I'll hopefully write another post on it later).

But seriously - I do love the Vista/Mesa combo. I love the versatility and the bassinet option. I go for lots of long walks with my dog and fully intend to continue to do so with the baby. For this reason, I fell in love with the bassinet. My biggest concern now is that my daughter will hate the bassinet.

Over the last five years, I have learned that no matter how much money I spend on "high end" toys for my dog, his absolute favorite things are the [free] sticks that he finds outside, and the cheap $2.50 stuffed toys from Petco. Hopefully my daughter follows suit.

NOW for the safety part of this post.

A few months ago, a colleague mentioned how her brother and sister-in-law had taken their car seat up to their local firehouse for an inspection. I had never heard of this before. Then my cousin asked when we were going to be installing and having our seat inspected. I guess this really is a thing?

Hubs took the car seat manual along with our car manual, followed all of the instructions, and installed the seat. We kept the seat in the car when we went out to dinner just to see what it felt like to drive around with it, and boy were we surprised. The entire seat rattled as we drove! Maybe an inspection wasn't so silly after all.

My cousin directed me to this website and I did a quick search by zip code. I chose a state certified collision center that is about 3 miles from our house and made an appointment for April 17 (yesterday). As it turns out, we had several things wrong with the way the seat was installed. The owner of the shop was very thorough and went through each and every issue with me before correcting them. Here is a snippet of yesterday's inspection:

1. The first question he asked: "Do you have a mirror that attaches to the seat so that you can see your baby as you drive?" I did not, and he told me that he frequently argues with people to remove them. They're not crash tested and if they fly off in an accident, they can cause severe injury to the baby (especially to their head/face). We will not be getting a mirror.

2. We had the car seat on top of this Prince Lionheart 2-Stage Seatsaver. Again, this is a product which is not crash tested and in the case of an accident, can impede the car seat's range of motion and ultimately result in further injury to the baby. Sure, it protects the leather in our car, but I'd rather protect our daughter. So this will be returned to Buy Buy Baby tomorrow.

3. Hubs installed the Mesa in the middle seat. The owner said that it is actually a misconception that this is the safest place for the baby. In the result of a t-bone collision, then yes. It is the safest. However, in the event of a front end or rear end collision, then having the car seat behind the passenger seat is actually the best.

He explained how if the car seat is behind the passenger seat, then the passenger seat (and passenger) itself serves as a shield for the baby in a front end collision. There is no such shield if the baby is in the middle seat. The baby is also shielded by the higher back seat that is on the passenger side (which again, is not in the middle).

Lastly, he showed me how much easier it would be to get the baby out of the car with the car seat on the back passenger seat. In case of an accident, it is definitely better to not have to climb into the middle of the car.

4. He then removed the base from the middle and installed it on the passenger side. And wow did he tighten it up! He actually climbed in and got on top of the base in order to get as many clicks out of it as he could. Needless to say, it doesn't rattle anymore!

5. He told me that if the car is ever involved in a collision at a speed over 20mph, then the insurance company must and will replace the car seat, regardless of whether or not the baby is in the car. In fact, even if the base is the only thing in the car, the insurance company will replace the entire thing. Good to know!

Hopefully I don't get into an accident, but you never know. All I can say is that I am SO glad that I went for the inspection. I feel like I learned so much and have such peace of mind now. Oh! And did I mention that it was free? Apparently most certified places perform the inspections free of charge.

So one last time, if you haven't already done so, have an inspection. You can find a certified inspection center at this website - http://www.safercar.gov/cpsApp/cps/index.htm

To-Do List...some odds and ends before the princess arrives.

So our little bundle of joy will be here three weeks from today! That being said, there is still a LOT of stuff to be done. Luckily I'm a planner and have been tackling this list for a couple of weeks now.

1. Wash baby's bedding, clothing, burp cloths, covers (Boppy cover, Rock n Play cover, etc.).

2. Schedule cleaning lady for the day before we come home from the hospital.

3. Schedule fur baby's spa appointment.

4. Take car seat for an inspection to ensure that it has been installed properly.

5. Put together the swing.

6. Get my hair cut.

7. Stock up on paper goods, cleaning products, food staples at BJs/Costco. 

8. Pack hospital bag. This is about half done. 

9. Buy post-partum supplies (pads, anything else doctor recommends following a c-section)

10. Get some books from the library to keep me occupied over the next couple of weeks and during my hospital stay.

11. Buy more and finish thank-you cards from my baby shower.

12. Get AFLAC paperwork in order and ready to send.

13. Get carrying case for breast pump (my insurance company provides the pump but no accessories).

14. Get a new area rug for the living room.

15. Type up "birth plan"/requests for the hospital.

16. Sterilize bottles, nipples, pacifiers.

17. Put together the diaper bag (not imperative since it will not be coming to the hospital).

18. Pick up some loose fitting, black pajama pants.

19. Grab a nursing nightgown for the hospital.

20. Order bulk K-cups!

21. Sterilize breast pump parts.

That's all I've got for now. Today I was able to cross off what has already been done - yay!

I've already accomplished quite a bit so this is just what I have left. I will have to update this here if I think of anything else, but this really seems to be it for the time being.

Some other things I've done over the past couple of weeks that I think are super important:

- I set up the pack n play next to the bed and stocked it with diapers, vaseline, wipes, aquaphor (I got a ton of it at my shower so why not?), receiving blankets, burp cloths, a couple changes of clothes in case of a diaper blow-out, extra swaddles, and some waterproof pads.

- I purchased a new (and larger) memory card for the camera.

- Hubs installed the car seat and set up the stroller.

- Put together the rock n' play.

- Bought, washed, and packed nursing tanks, new flip flops, nursing pjs and robe, and all of the toiletries in my hospital bag.

- Washed all of her clothes, blankets, bibs, and bedding and put it all away in her dresser and closet.

I guess all that's left is to bring this little girl home!

Oops...

So I totally flaked on my week's worth of healthy dinners. Maybe I'll try again in two weeks when I'm on spring break.

Needless to say, things just got really hectic and the next few weeks don't look like they'll be slowing down much.

Last week I started 5 units of NPH (insulin) before bed to regulate my fasting blood sugars (they're still on the high side). Because of that, my OB scheduled me for a c-section on April 30 at 8:00 am. WHOA! April starts next week!!! If I happen to go into labor earlier than April 30 on my own, then I can deliver naturally. He just doesn't want me going past that date.

I know a lot of people who would be "disappointed" about needing a c-section or worried about the fact that yes, it is major abdominal surgery. But me? I'm actually pretty relieved for a few reasons:

1) I know that she will be closely monitored before, during and after surgery and they'll make sure she's okay.

2) 1) I'm horribly impatient. Knowing that she will be here by a specific date makes me less anxious.

3) There won't be any pushing (unless, like I said, I go into labor naturally before the 30th). Therefore, her head and my lady parts won't be all sorts of misshapen after birth. Shallow? Probably.

4) I'll get more money from my STD and Hospital Indemnification Policies (an extra couple of hundred dollars never hurt anyone).

I think that's it for now. Of course, there are some things that I worry about as well:

1) I won't get to hold her right away.

2) Recovery from a c-section.

I don't know much about them so that's all I have for now.

Either way, there is no avoiding the fact that this little princess is coming on April 30, and I absolutely cannot wait to meet her. 

A Week's Worth of Dinner: Day 1

Seeing as how it is a real possibility (I'll know in a couple of days) that I will end up on some insulin for the remainder of my pregnancy, I figured it's a good time to start making sure that I eat super healthy foods.

I did really well the first few months of pregnancy (it helped that my biggest cravings were Cream of Wheat, fruit and fresh vegetables) but have really fallen into some bad habits. Baby Daddy is an accountant and it's his busy season which means lots of quick [and usually unhealthy] dinners for me. I think I'm going to give up eating out for Lent (better late than never right?)

Also, I have absolutely no idea how much weight I've gained. I know I started out heavier than I would have liked to have been, and for that reason I have made clear at every appointment that they are not to tell me my weight. I remind the doctor to simply tell me if I'm gaining too much or too little. As of last week's appointment, the doctor said my gain has been absolutely perfect. I guess that's as good as it can possibly get when it comes to gaining weight. 

Anyway, a colleague of mine who really eats well gave me this quick and easy, one pot recipe for lentil stew that happens to be delicious (I was wary of lentils since they're not something I typically eat). This was actually the second time [in one week] that I made it. That means it's officially become a staple, so I figured I'd share it.

Lentil Stew

Ingredients: 

2 Tbsp Olive Oil

2 strips of bacon (chopped up)

Chopped carrots (no set amount - just eyeball it and add however much/little you want)

1 chopped potato

1/2-3/4 cup French Green Lentils (rinsed - I don't soak them)

1/2 cup canned tomato sauce

Basil

Salt (I use kosher salt)

**I just eyeball the seasoning. Last night I just used a palmful of a basil/oregano/tomato blend I happened to have in the spice cabinet**

Water or broth (enough to cover what's in the pot. I've used beef broth and water with some bullion thrown in and both have been good)

Parmesan cheese rind (not necessary)

Directions: 

1. Sautee bacon in olive oil

2. Add carrots and potato and sautee for 3-5 minutes

3. Add lentils and sautee for 3-5 minutes

4. Stir in tomato sauce 

5. Add basil, salt, and water/broth. 

*Here is where I toss in the cheese rind

6. Let cook about 40-45 minutes and then serve. 

I doubled the recipe for last night's dinner because the leftovers are even better the next day, so I wanted to be sure I had some. 

We LOVE spicy food in our house so I actually meant to add some crushed red pepper, but I forgot. I will definitely be trying that next time though. 

Enjoy!

Yes, I am LOVING pregnancy and no, I'm not sorry

Every day I am asked how I'm feeling. My response is, normally, "great!" plus a smile and a thank-you for asking. However, I typically get the following reactions:

"Wow. Every pregnant woman in the world probably hates you."

"Oh you must have a high threshold for misery." 

Or, my personal favorite, "Ooooh you better not let so-and-so hear you say that. She'll want to kill you." 

I get that every pregnancy and every woman is different. And some women probably are miserable. You hear about the common pregnancy symptoms: morning sickness (which isn't confined to just the morning OR the first trimester for that matter), sore boobs (some women claim they become so sore that the water hitting them in the shower feels more like knives stabbing them) and fatigue. At least these are the symptoms that I had been expecting. To be honest, none of them sounded pleasant and my husband kept our house stocked with cases of ginger ale and boxes of saltine crackers for months while I waited for them to start. Only, they never did. 

I turned into a wreck: anticipating that the ultrasounds would show nothing on the screen or that I was bound to start bleeding any day. I mean, you have to have some symptoms when you're pregnant, right? RIGHT!? 

Well, as it turns out, the answer is no. Symptoms do not mean that you will have a healthy (or unhealthy) pregnancy. Once I realized this, I almost started feeling guilty about my "easy" pregnancy. And then I got over it. 

I've dealt with more hardship over the past five years than I'd ever wish on anyone else. Over the course of five years, I have lost my grandmother, dad, and friend - all of whom were indescribably important to me. Often times, their absence is still palpable. And I'm sure it will be even more so once our daughter is born and it hits that she will never be able to meet these people who are so important to me. All the while coming to terms and dealing with infertility. In short, the last five years have been anything but happy and or easy. 

Then came this pregnancy. For the most part, it has been absolutely perfect (minus the GD that just reared its ugly head a few weeks ago). I mean, sure. There are a few things that are, at best, annoying: my nose is constantly stuffy, I haven't slept through the night in God only knows how long, I almost always feel like I fell on and bruised my tailbone, sitting on my couch for more than an hour becomes painful, and as of this week, I will no longer be wearing socks because I simply cannot get them on. Oh, and I forgot to mention the snissing. 

Maybe this all sounds bad, but it's really not. Inconvenient? Sure. But not enough for me to say that I hate being pregnant. In fact, I love it. 95% of the time, I do feel great, and I am so beyond excited to meet our daughter. With everything I've been through over the last five years, I deserve this perfect pregnancy. And for that, I just can't apologize.