Becoming a stay-at-home mom: Expectations vs. Reality

I poo pooed moms who whined about how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom. I mean, how freaking hard is it to stay home and snuggle with a sleeping cherub all day every day? Being a stay-at-home mom was my dream job. I imagined my days as follows:

Wake up, feed baby, cook a delicious and healthy breakfast for me and my husband and then give him a kiss as I hand him his homemade lunch and send him off to work. The afternoon consists of walks in the park, playing and lots of cuddling. Then around 5pm the baby will be playing or sleeping happily while I get dinner ready and on the table just as hubs walks in the door after a long day at the office. Then we put the baby down together and relax with our wine and some tv before heading to bed for a good night's rest. I would be the BEST stay-at-home mom/wife EVER!

That all lasted about three weeks.

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard. Especially when you are taking care of a floppy, demanding little person whose lack of patience rivals your own. Seriously - this kid makes me look like a saint. When she wants something you had better hustle because it's only a matter of time before the volcano erupts.

Baby J is now five months old and every time I think I've got a good routine going, she switches it up on me.

So our days now look something like this:
Wake up, feed baby, scrounge up some breakfast for myself (hubs is a big boy - he can fend for himself), and sneak in a kiss goodbye while we both hope that there's no spit up or baby food getting in the middle of our oh-so-romantic peck that we hope lands on the other's lips and not the cheek or chin. Hopefully Baby is still happily playing on her mat. If so, it becomes a mad dash to get as much done as I can before her good mood expires and it's time to get her down for her morning nap. This morning nap lasts, if I'm lucky, about two full hours. Just enough time to shower, get dressed and put on just enough makeup so that I look like an actual functioning member of society as opposed to some prehistoric cave dweller.

When she wakes up, our afternoons consist mainly of errands and playtime. On Tuesdays we go to Mommy and Me where I get to interact with other adults, and on Fridays we hit up story time at the library. If I have a healthy meal ready - even almost ready - by the time my husband gets home, it was an extraordinarily productive day. While he eats, I bathe Baby J, get her into her jammies, hand her off to Daddy for a bedtime story and then nurse her to sleep before cleaning up from dinner. By the time all is said and done, somehow it's 9:00. And I'm beat. By 9:30 my husband and I are both in bed. By 10:00, we're out cold.

Is it easy? No. Glamorous? Absolutely not. Would I rather put Baby J in daycare and go back to work as a teacher? Nope. Because despite the fact that my days are a whirlwind of....stuff, and my tiny little boss doesn't always allow lunch breaks, I wouldn't trade being home with my daughter for the world. Watching her change, grow, develop and discover is truly worth it.

Clean Eating

What is wrong with this picture?

I know that the "in" thing right now is baby led weaning. Everyone is doing it, right? Letting baby decide when she's ready for solids and skipping cereal altogether. It sounds like a great idea, but not for us. 

For starters, Baby J decided that after months of sleeping through the night, she was going to regress. We were up 2-3 times a night. She would nurse and be back in bed within 15 minutes. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky. Once I'm up, I'm up. So I figured that maybe she just wasn't satisfied from breast milk alone. 

I bought Gerber's organic brown rice cereal, mixed it with breast milk, and started her on it at four months. It was an experience for sure. She LOVED her cereal and I loved having that experience with her. 

Then I read the ingredients and WOW! There are a lot of them! It was then that I decided I would make all of Baby J's food. I mean, I'm not going to work every day so I have no reason NOT to make sure she eats as healthily as she can. 

I'm not going to lie - making baby food isn't always convenient. It's much easier to just grab a few jars or pouches of organic baby food from Whole Foods, but it's worth it [to me] to know exactly what is going into her little tummy. 

Check out the picture above. It's Gerber's organic bananas. Look at ALL OF THOSE ingredients! Tuna oil!?!?! I find that to be pretty gross. Then there's gelatin and a few other things that I cannot identify. Convenient? Absolutely. Healthy? I think it's like formula. I just cannot understand how feeding a baby artificial stuff is healthy. 

Yeah, I get that millions of people feed their babies formula and prepackaged baby food. But millions of people also eat McDonald's, White Castle and the like. 

So it has been some trial and error when making Baby J's food. I have to remember to take pictures of the process and then upload them here. 

So far we have made                                 Ingredients                  

Bananas                                                       Bananas

Mangoes                                                      Mangoes

Green beans                                                Green beans, water

Peas                                                             Peas

Sweet potatoes                                            Sweet potatoes, breast milk

Also, think about the shelf life of store-bought baby food. That can stay on the shelf for months. Hell, some of it is probably older than Baby J!!! Gross!!!

I really love knowing exactly what is in the food she is eating. I also use organic fruits and vegetables - so I still can't understand why there are so many ingredients in Gerber's organic bananas. It's just crazy!

The Calm After the Storm

I had every intention of getting this blog off the ground...and then life happened.

I wanted more than anything to be a stay-at-home mom, but living in New York would have made that almost impossible. Why? Well, imagine this: 

• Owning and living in a 1,700 sq. ft. condo (you do not own any of the property that is "your yard". 
• Paying $360 a month (plus an additional $140 a month during June, July and August) in maintenance fees (and special assessment fees) which basically covered lawn care, snow removal, and the concrete hole in the ground otherwise known as the pool. 
• Paying almost $8,000 a year in property taxes. Again, the only thing you own is the inside of your tiny condo. 
• Childcare was going to run about $2,000 a month. We checked out daycare facilities and a private nanny - the cost was going to be about the same.  
• Extras like Mommy & Me? These could run you an additional $200+ a month. IF you could find a place that tailored its hours around working moms. 

So, would it have been possible to stay home and live in New York? Probably. I certainly wouldn't have been the first to make it work. Would it have been ideal? Absolutely not. It would have been extraordinarily difficult. But, we were prepared to make it work one way or another. Then God stepped in. 

After years of hardships, God finally decided that it was time to make our new life a little easier. My husband, the amazing man and father that he has grown to be, was willing to make his work life even crazier than it already was by going to work in Manhattan. The hours would be longer, the commute would be torturous, but the money would be better and I could stay home with our daughter. In May, he had started interviewing and was seemingly about to be handed a position when this other opportunity landed in his lap. This new opportunity was for a position that he hoped to attain in the next 5-10 years of his career. 

Not only would this job put my husband exactly where he wanted to be professionally, but it would also relocate our family to Florida - a place with a much lower cost of living, real suburban communities, and, best of all, no more harsh winters - and allow us to live much more comfortably on one salary than if we were to stay in New York. 

At first, the answer seemed easy - let's go! We were excited and optimistic about the idea of moving. My husband submitted his resume and waited to hear back. And waited....and waited....and waited. 

I had practically forgotten about the job, and my husband hadn't actually expected to get it (according to him, he was too young and lacked the experience that was necessary). So you can imagine our surprise when he got a phone call in June from the head of the company asking him to fly down to Florida the following week for an interview. The rest happened with lightening speed.

I won't bore you with all of the details, but long story short we are now living down in sunny Florida! Moving from New York to Florida with an infant actually wasn't as bad as it may seem, and despite a little touch of homesickness, we have been transitioning pretty well. 

Truth be told, Florida is not AS cheap as I thought it would be, but we are definitely better off than we would have been up in New York. If we were in New York, I would be at work right now instead of writing this blog and our daughter would be somewhere doing God knows what. Her dad would probably be leaving for work before she woke up in the morning and getting home after she was already in bed asleep. 

I've only been here about a month and a half, so it still gets a bit lonely at times. But this new life is good, and I have faith that everything will fall into place just as it should. 

I Say Breastfeeding You Say...

Those were just a few words I heard from a number of mothers who had both successfully and unsuccessfully breastfed their babies. To be completely honest, I really side-eyed the mothers who claimed to have given up on breastfeeding because they "just didn't produce enough milk". My thoughts were this: women have been breastfeeding babies since the beginning of time. What did women do before formula? I really thought that not producing enough milk was nothing more than an easy out - an excuse. 

One friend of mine admitted to having given up on breastfeeding after six weeks because it was just too painful. Another told me that she wasn't going to bother trying because it was just too demanding. She didn't want to be a slave to her baby or a breast pump. At the very least, I appreciated their honesty. 

As far as I was concerned, breast is definitely best. There are so many health benefits to breastfeeding including colostrum which, according to my lactation consultant and the nurses in the hospital, has at least one million antibodies in a single drop. Not to mention the fact that breast milk is tailored for your baby and will prevent a multitude of illnesses, ailments, and other issues down the road. I was going to breastfeed come hell or high water. And I certainly wasn't going to whine about it and give up. 

I enrolled myself in a breastfeeding class offered at our hospital and dragged hubs along so he too could be aware of all the health benefits associated with breastfeeding. I also wanted to get him used to the idea that my pretty perfect C-cup breasts were not going to be for his enjoyment anymore...at least not for a while. But I didn't want him to see it as a weird or gross thing. Did I learn much from the class? Not really. The lactation consultant who was running it was really awkward socially and tough to follow. 

I also contacted my insurance company to find out what kind of coverage I had for a lactation consultant, electric breast pump (most insurance plans now cover them at 100% provided you have a prescription from your doctor and order from a plan approved medical supplier), ordered my breast pump, purchased nursing pads, nursing tanks, bras, lanolin and a variety of breast milk storage supplies. I was ready. 

And then Mouse was born. 

Positioning was awkward at first and I asked the lactation consultant to help me with positioning a few times on the first day alone. It was awkward, but I was managing. My final thoughts on Day 1 were: Okay. Once we find a comfy position it will be all uphill from here. 

The next day, we were still getting used to positioning and hubs had to help me quite a bit. I also noticed the soreness. It wasn't terrible...yet. 

By the third day, I was dreading feeding time. Every time she latched on, it was blinding, searing, toe curling pain. My nipples were scabbed over and I found myself covering them in lanolin and leaving my nursing tank open so that the air could get to them. I called the lactation consultant and my nurse to ask what I was doing wrong. Their response? Nothing. I wasn't doing anything wrong. The toe curling pain was totally normal and would subside in 2-3 weeks. As far as they were concerned, Mouse was latched on properly and having enough wet diapers to let them know that she was in fact getting enough to eat. All I had to do was survive the next few weeks and it would get better. My final thoughts on Day 3 were: Now I get it. I get why people give up on breastfeeding. Should I just pump and bottle feed? What if that also leads to searing pain? Should I go with Similac or Enfamil? Enfamil sent more free samples. 

Discharge day: At least the lanolin and air drying was getting rid of the unsightly scabs that had taken over my nipples. I was miserable. I was in pain. The whole bonding while breastfeeding thing was not happening and I was sure that I wasn't going to last even a week. As a last ditch effort, I picked up a book my friend had given me at my baby shower. She swore by it and had an overall good (at least I think she had a good) breastfeeding experience (although she had also warned me that the first two weeks were unbelievably difficult). Well, this book changed everything for me. 

Breastfeeding Made Simple gave me new insight, new positions, and a newfound confidence that literally solved my problems overnight. Their tips on getting the baby to latch on along with a laid-back breastfeeding position allowed me to feed Mouse pain free on our fourth day and every day thereafter. 

Mouse is now 15 days old and exclusively breastfed. I find breastfeeding to be the most natural thing and am really enjoying the experience. Am I going to breastfeed until she's five? Absolutely not. But I now know for sure that I can at least make it to six months. My ultimate goal is to make it a full year. Although she'll have teeth by then so we'll have to see how that goes. If anything, I'll pump for her. 

Another perk of breastfeeding is that I know Mouse eats what I eat. Therefore, I find myself eating much healthier which is great for losing the baby weight - which, two weeks after giving birth, is a grand total of 18 pounds. Hopefully it comes off without too much of a hassle!

Hospital bag - Less was actually more

I am and always have been an over packer. Well, for some reason I just couldn't figure out what to put in my hospital bag, so I kept it to a bare minimum...and it worked out perfectly. I used just about everything that I put into the bag for both myself and the baby and didn't miss much. So here is my very practical list:

1. Several pairs of Hanes, cotton, hi-cut briefs one size larger than my normal size.
     **I actually wish that I had gone two or even three sizes up since post-partum swelling is no joke! In
    fact, I only put these on the day I left the hospital. Otherwise, I wore the soft mesh underwear that the
    hospital provided and it was much more comfortable with all of the swelling.**

2. One soft, comfy, nursing pajama set - pants, nursing tank, and robe.
     **The first day in the hospital was spent in an ugly hospital gown which was necessary due to a
     foley catheter, IV, and constant checks for bleeding issues. When I was finally able to change into
     real clothes, I actually didn't like the nursing top on this particular set. Otherwise, it was pretty
     comfy.**

3. Two pairs of comfy pajama pants and three separate nursing tanks.
     **My own Bravado nursing tanks from Babies R Us were the best. By the end of my third day in
     the hospital, my nipples were in so much pain that I started to consider giving up the idea of
     breastfeeding. These tanks were fantastic as I was able to put on some Lanolin, unclasp them, and
     let my bruised and scabbed nipples air out. The fabric and the fit are much better than my Target
     nursing tanks.**

4. Slippers
     **These went on as soon as I was able to get up and out of the bed. I recommend old fashioned slip
     ons - no socks or moccasin type things - because A) swelling and B) Especially after a c-section, the
     last thing you can or want to do is bend down to put on slippers or shoes.**

5. Toiletries
     **I showered and did my hair at 4:00AM on the day I went to the hospital. And I still felt icky by
     the end of the day. Being able to shower, put on deodorant and brush my teeth was amazing.**

6. Bottled water
     **My best friend actually suggested this, and I am so glad I took her advice. The hospital air is dry.
     Also, it was much more convenient to have my own stash of bottled water as opposed to having to
    call the nurse's station every time I wanted a drink (I drink TONS of water so that button would have
    been being pressed nonstop!)**

7. Camera
     **Hubby was responsible for this and he did a fantastic job**

8. Make-up
     **Visiting hours were only an hour long. I wasn't about to put on make-up only to wash it off an
     hour later. I look like shit in pictures, but hey. I did just give birth. I was allowed.**

9. Two newborn size gowns with matching hats
     **The hospital provided kimono tops, knitted hats, and receiving blankets. However, it was nice to
     finally put her in real clothes. And gowns make life super easy when changing diapers.**

10. Going home outfit
     **That adorable white going home outfit I had bought months ago ended up being HUGE on our
     little peanut. So hubby ended up having to go home and bring another newborn onesie. Oh well -
     she looked tiny and precious either way.**

11. My own pillow
     **The hospital pillows are flat and icky - I was really glad to have my own.**

12. Books
      **I thought I would need these to keep myself occupied but honestly, if I wasn't sleeping I was just
     staring at our baby girl, talking to my husband, or watching tv. The books never made it out of the
     bag.**

And that was all that was in my bag. The only things I asked my husband to bring me was more bottled water and another outfit for the baby along with a maternity t-shirt for me to wear home (I had forgotten a going home outfit for myself - oops!)

Our hospital provided everything we needed for the baby, pads, medications, and lanolin for mommy. When I do it again, I won't change a thing unless we happen to be at a different hospital and circumstances dictate that I must (for example, if they don't provide diapers, wipes, etc.).

Car Seat Safety

I was silly about my car seat. I know that now and I'll admit it.

Searching for a stroller drove me absolutely crazy. I literally stressed over it for months - it was crazy. After a couple of months, I chose one reasonable travel system, and then what my mom refers to as "The Cadillac of Strollers" and its matching car seat. Then I took another month or so to make a final decision. It was probably hell for my poor husband. We were in Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us constantly "test driving" each stroller.

Britax B-Agile with B-Safe infant seat
Retails for $399

 I really liked the lightweight Britax system. It was super easy to maneuver through the aisles and really easy to work in terms of snapping the seat into the stroller. What I didn't like about the Britax was the size of the basket. I have always been one to carry a huge purse. For whatever reason, I like knowing that I can take everything (and I mean everything) with me and it will all fit in my bag.

On one of our test driving trips, I happened to have a mid-size pocketbook with me and went to throw it into the basket...it didn't happen. The basket was way too small for me.

UppaBaby Vista
Retails for $729

UppaBaby Mesa Infant seat
Retails for $279

Okay - I'm kind of a brand whore sometimes so it's entirely possible that the basket size on the Britax was just an excuse for me to opt for the Vista/Mesa combo. So now my kid will totes be stylish in her oversized, overpriced, heavy-as-fvck stroller and car seat.
**On a side note, we did receive the stroller as a gift when it was 20% on Black Friday** from pishposhbaby.com (I actually love that website so I'll hopefully write another post on it later).

But seriously - I do love the Vista/Mesa combo. I love the versatility and the bassinet option. I go for lots of long walks with my dog and fully intend to continue to do so with the baby. For this reason, I fell in love with the bassinet. My biggest concern now is that my daughter will hate the bassinet.

Over the last five years, I have learned that no matter how much money I spend on "high end" toys for my dog, his absolute favorite things are the [free] sticks that he finds outside, and the cheap $2.50 stuffed toys from Petco. Hopefully my daughter follows suit.

NOW for the safety part of this post.

A few months ago, a colleague mentioned how her brother and sister-in-law had taken their car seat up to their local firehouse for an inspection. I had never heard of this before. Then my cousin asked when we were going to be installing and having our seat inspected. I guess this really is a thing?

Hubs took the car seat manual along with our car manual, followed all of the instructions, and installed the seat. We kept the seat in the car when we went out to dinner just to see what it felt like to drive around with it, and boy were we surprised. The entire seat rattled as we drove! Maybe an inspection wasn't so silly after all.

My cousin directed me to this website and I did a quick search by zip code. I chose a state certified collision center that is about 3 miles from our house and made an appointment for April 17 (yesterday). As it turns out, we had several things wrong with the way the seat was installed. The owner of the shop was very thorough and went through each and every issue with me before correcting them. Here is a snippet of yesterday's inspection:

1. The first question he asked: "Do you have a mirror that attaches to the seat so that you can see your baby as you drive?" I did not, and he told me that he frequently argues with people to remove them. They're not crash tested and if they fly off in an accident, they can cause severe injury to the baby (especially to their head/face). We will not be getting a mirror.

2. We had the car seat on top of this Prince Lionheart 2-Stage Seatsaver. Again, this is a product which is not crash tested and in the case of an accident, can impede the car seat's range of motion and ultimately result in further injury to the baby. Sure, it protects the leather in our car, but I'd rather protect our daughter. So this will be returned to Buy Buy Baby tomorrow.

3. Hubs installed the Mesa in the middle seat. The owner said that it is actually a misconception that this is the safest place for the baby. In the result of a t-bone collision, then yes. It is the safest. However, in the event of a front end or rear end collision, then having the car seat behind the passenger seat is actually the best.

He explained how if the car seat is behind the passenger seat, then the passenger seat (and passenger) itself serves as a shield for the baby in a front end collision. There is no such shield if the baby is in the middle seat. The baby is also shielded by the higher back seat that is on the passenger side (which again, is not in the middle).

Lastly, he showed me how much easier it would be to get the baby out of the car with the car seat on the back passenger seat. In case of an accident, it is definitely better to not have to climb into the middle of the car.

4. He then removed the base from the middle and installed it on the passenger side. And wow did he tighten it up! He actually climbed in and got on top of the base in order to get as many clicks out of it as he could. Needless to say, it doesn't rattle anymore!

5. He told me that if the car is ever involved in a collision at a speed over 20mph, then the insurance company must and will replace the car seat, regardless of whether or not the baby is in the car. In fact, even if the base is the only thing in the car, the insurance company will replace the entire thing. Good to know!

Hopefully I don't get into an accident, but you never know. All I can say is that I am SO glad that I went for the inspection. I feel like I learned so much and have such peace of mind now. Oh! And did I mention that it was free? Apparently most certified places perform the inspections free of charge.

So one last time, if you haven't already done so, have an inspection. You can find a certified inspection center at this website - http://www.safercar.gov/cpsApp/cps/index.htm

To-Do List...some odds and ends before the princess arrives.

So our little bundle of joy will be here three weeks from today! That being said, there is still a LOT of stuff to be done. Luckily I'm a planner and have been tackling this list for a couple of weeks now.

1. Wash baby's bedding, clothing, burp cloths, covers (Boppy cover, Rock n Play cover, etc.).

2. Schedule cleaning lady for the day before we come home from the hospital.

3. Schedule fur baby's spa appointment.

4. Take car seat for an inspection to ensure that it has been installed properly.

5. Put together the swing.

6. Get my hair cut.

7. Stock up on paper goods, cleaning products, food staples at BJs/Costco. 

8. Pack hospital bag. This is about half done. 

9. Buy post-partum supplies (pads, anything else doctor recommends following a c-section)

10. Get some books from the library to keep me occupied over the next couple of weeks and during my hospital stay.

11. Buy more and finish thank-you cards from my baby shower.

12. Get AFLAC paperwork in order and ready to send.

13. Get carrying case for breast pump (my insurance company provides the pump but no accessories).

14. Get a new area rug for the living room.

15. Type up "birth plan"/requests for the hospital.

16. Sterilize bottles, nipples, pacifiers.

17. Put together the diaper bag (not imperative since it will not be coming to the hospital).

18. Pick up some loose fitting, black pajama pants.

19. Grab a nursing nightgown for the hospital.

20. Order bulk K-cups!

21. Sterilize breast pump parts.

That's all I've got for now. Today I was able to cross off what has already been done - yay!

I've already accomplished quite a bit so this is just what I have left. I will have to update this here if I think of anything else, but this really seems to be it for the time being.

Some other things I've done over the past couple of weeks that I think are super important:

- I set up the pack n play next to the bed and stocked it with diapers, vaseline, wipes, aquaphor (I got a ton of it at my shower so why not?), receiving blankets, burp cloths, a couple changes of clothes in case of a diaper blow-out, extra swaddles, and some waterproof pads.

- I purchased a new (and larger) memory card for the camera.

- Hubs installed the car seat and set up the stroller.

- Put together the rock n' play.

- Bought, washed, and packed nursing tanks, new flip flops, nursing pjs and robe, and all of the toiletries in my hospital bag.

- Washed all of her clothes, blankets, bibs, and bedding and put it all away in her dresser and closet.

I guess all that's left is to bring this little girl home!